Monday, June 18, 2001

Awnry & Irish: Rules of Conduct at the Gym

  1. If in any way you resemble a bear (Grizzly, Kodiak, Black, Brown or CellBlock), please refrain from floating "belly-up" in the YMCA whirlpool - it is alarming to those of us walking by.
  2. Workout benches are just that "benches for people working out", I can see confusing that with "the resting bench, the chatting bench, the reading bench and my favorite - 'the staring bench'' " - but please not during my workout.
  3. If you would like to work in, just say 'Hey buddy, can I work in', if you don't speak - I won't ask and I will add on extra set to watch you squirm.
  4. Flirting at the gym can be fun, even appreciated to let you know all the hard work is paying off - well of course I mean for single guys (wink, wink), staring and brushing the inside of your thigh is creepy - remember I live in Milwaukee - you may be a friend of Jeffrey Dahmer and I don't want to be Holden-on-a-Stick.
  5. If the exercise I am doing looks that tricky while I am doing it - walking up to me "while" I am doing it and asking "Wow - that looks tricky - how do you that" will result in me growling like an angry, junk-yard dog (hint: if it looks tricky, it is and requires my concentration).
  6. Please do not leave your gym towels just laying all over the gym, I have a very healthy body and leave towels laying around my apartment about three times a day after "personal use", when I see an entire YMCA covered with used towels I start looking for the hidden adult theater.

    Man I'm gonna make a great crabby old man! ;)