Tuesday, July 02, 2002

" I printed the pictures you wanted. Shit - they were rough to look at. You look so happy nestled in among our friends. You always were remarkably beautiful - the blue of your eyes, your flashy smile - I remember how often people commented on handsome you were , funny sometimes how 'second best' that made me feel, stupid huh? Who could imagine that within one week of those photo's it would be over, the past 3 years of my life shared with you - over. I started thinking how many pictures I had of you - how much you loved to have pictures taken of you - how rare it was for you to ask to take a picture of me. Funny - I should have seen something wrong in that - it should have given me a greater sense of unease. Oops there's that damn sound again - What?? - Oh nothing just my heart ripping in half - weird lil fucker does it a couple times a day - chuckle. So getting ready for your big trip away this weekend, huh ? Sure going alone is a good idea - no one to tell you jokes or carry the conversation, ya know - but I suppose your not looking for a joke-teller or a good conversationalist anymore are you ? Well, I need to stop looking at these photo's now because, well because it just hurts too much. I haven't said 'I love you', I haven't said 'I hate you', I haven't said 'I miss you'...but I do. Happy Birthday. Take care - Me"