I have consumed 4 Appletini's (a really girly, but tasty drink that is neither an "apple" or really a "martini") which have managed to make me a little soft around the edges...BEWARE: for once I may spell words correctly and appear to not misinterpret english for "pig latin".

Things I learned about myself tonight hanging out at a really pretentious staight (but love to hang with fags) bar:

• That I will forever spend my life being told I am the straightest/butchest/gay the only straight guy at the table has ever
  met and really wants to join his lacrosse team.
  
• That I totally remind someone of someone, but they just can't put their finger on it.
  
• That I flirt unabashedly, unashamedly and unendingly and it really is confusing to the guy with a 1 hour hard-on when I say I have a boyfriend and I only sleep with him.
  
• Bigger hair on a chick - no matter how tall - does not make them closer to God.
  
• I love my boyfriend more in everyday life, then in fantasy - he shines so, so much brighter in bleak light of day.
  
• I am the most gutteral and foul-mouthed fag you ever met - which is probably why I get alot of comments like number #1.
  
• Insecure friends who spend the entire night worrying that you like your other friends more - really end up fulfilling thier own prohecy with you liking your other friends more.
  
• Asking another couple (who you think isreally, really cool) to go on a doubledate is embarrassing and immediately returns you to "GO" in the board life of , well, Life.

Chris - Man, I couldn't be more embarrassed, I have contacted EBay and asked them to pull the images of the Toaster, Full Length Mirror and my Family Antique Baby Spoon collection from their site.

I am my overwhelming sense of jealousy, whining and empty wallet....damn lay-off, I soooooooooo wanted to be there this weekend peeing and having sex in the streets.

uh, would you like fries with that ??

I just couldn't look at blue anymore...

Bill has been busy arranging his links by Astrological inclination, I feel that I too should reorganize my site's links (plus add some of the great new bloggers I've come across) in some systematic order (I used to use "Lusts", "Sweethearts" and "Loves", but let's face it I'm fickle and kept moving you all around too much) - I have decided to come up with a new system: "the penis".

Jonno innocently asked (can Jonno really do ANYTHING innocently??) me, "How will you determine the pecking order of the peckers?"

Well, I can't decide. Length first, then girth, or vice-versa?...should cut and uncut be subcategories? Will fellow Bloggers be honest? Will I need to demand photo's (oh please let me DEMAND photo's). And what of the great debate over showers vs. growers (seriously I always considered myself to be in the later, until the great debate over the "angel" picture and the suspected "squirrel" nesting in my cargo pants) - is that yet another sub-category?

Uh - What??? - there's some sort of sinking noise - WOOOOOOSHHHHHH!!!!!!!!, oh Shit! My blog really has sunk this low to have material hasn't it?

I am my complete sense of shame - I'm outta here.

Well the drought may be ending, I actually had a call for an interview today (of course it won't be til next Wednesday - but hey imagine an anal, over-achiever like me with a whole WEEK to prepare !!!)...once again I felt an incredible need to "HAVE FUN WITH KEYWORD SEARCHES", not only am I doing a free lance project for a local gallery helping them with their search engine submissions and Meta tags but I have remained somewhat baffled by the keywords that are bringing unsuspecting visitors to my mixed up world. So without further ado/adieu/adoo-doo I have winners in not one, but THREE categories for keywords used to find my site via a search engine:

• For most accurate and stereotyping keyword phrase:     LIL HORNY BITCH
  
• For somehow most poetic and surreal:     SIX DEGREE'S OF SEPERATION
  
• For most "WhatInTheBlazesAreYouSearchingForShitLikeThisYouFuckingFreak?":     TEENAGE GIRLS AND PERIODS
  
  Whew! Now didn't that just beat the pants off of last years Emmy's (Personal Note: I was wearing a spectacular Mackie gown during the reading of the winners, but do to an unfortunate incident with me scratching my panty-less, crotch the scene was censored by the National Broadcasting Association For Decency In Blogging and E-Entertainment's Fashion Emergency)
  
  I am greatly amiss (am I making up the spellings of words again?) in mentioning that on Friday I actually was graced with the honor of hearing the voice of my "If-I-Wasn't-Happily-Married-And-Your-Husband-Wasn't-So-Much-Better-Looking-Then-Me-I-Would-Make-You-My-Personal-Hump-Back-Whale" favorite blogger: Jonno. He sounded as sexy, smart and cute as I would have ever imagined - felt like I was hopping on the phone with someone I had been chatting with everyday for years.

Either I'm still trying to figure out if I missed a scene in this (I mean I really enjoyed it - Tilda Swanson is amazing - but there seems to be some character development missing or something to justify each character's motivation and actions.)

OR I was suffering from a vicious concussion from kicking myself in the head for wasting an hour of my life watching John Carpenter's "Ghosts of Mars" - needing to be renamed "Space Lesbians VS. Alice Cooper Wannabe's of Mars" (it would have been more than an hour - but I only stayed that long because I wanted to finish my Red Vines)


OR maybe I was just still reeling from my coffee-talk with Chris, but either way I have somehow missed the chance to blog the last few days.

BTW - Chris was great, he makes you want to open-up a six-pack and watch "Mystery Science Theater 2000" - he's the type of cute, cool guy who doesn't put on airs and doesn't expect any of you (he even made more sense than both the movies combined).

The rest of the weekend I found myself ending up at the same local bar three nights in a row - diversity be dead, my friends here love the familiar!

On my job quest today, so I need to focus my thoughts elsewhere - I swear to be more entertaining (or something) next time....