Thursday, August 09, 2001

Alrighty, I'm off to the lovely couple pictured in this photo's wedding - never have you met a lovelier, more open-minded and just cool to be around couple in your life. The boy and I take off tomorrow morning and since the impending (and in light of my current unemployed circumstances) 32nd Bday is Tuesday - I'll be having some beach and "other stuff" R&R for the next few days. Be good to yourselves!

See me tailgate - I am butch!

Tuesday, August 07, 2001

In just a scant 9 months the world could be bouncing the first human clone/baby upon it's knee. Sure there's no way around the moral issues and questions raised by the "Stem Cell/Cloning Controversy" - Is this really a humanitarian effort to assist childless couples by the worldwide scientific community, or a convention of modern day young Frankensteins ("Shhhhhh, be veeeeerrry careful of the stairs, they can be very twwweacherooooouuuuuuussss")

But hey - that's sophisticated mumbo jumbo for another day - today let's take a look at "The Softer Side of Sears, oops - I mean Cloning". Imagine the fun possibilities that cloning ourselves, our friends and favorite celebrities offer's us:

  • You could have the age-old "It's not you, it's me" conversation for hours with your clone.
  • Be on first name terms with cloning celeb's like Dolly the Sheep and George Bush (before arguing that he's not a clone - think twice about it)
  • Finally the truth is known, am I as good in the sack as I think I am??
  • No more "Entertainment Tonight" segments on will Katie Couric move to another morning show - she'll be on ALL the morning show's, Katie clones EVERYWHERE.
  • "One-of-a-Kind" outfits ????!!!!! Forgettaboutit !!!! Your dressing for 2, 3, 4, maybe 8 now!
  • No more boring dinner's with the In-Laws, meetings with the boss, conversations with your boyfriend (just kidding honey!), let your clone pick-up the slack.
  • Let's really fuck with the census people!

    No matter how you slice it (ba-dum-bum) cloning is fun for everyone!!
    (The views expressed on this web site and within this blog are not supported by anyone even the person making them. This blog will self destruct in 30 seconds...
    1....2....3...4....5....6....7...8....9....10....for god's sake go SAFE yourself !)

Monday, August 06, 2001

A smile, even a mother wouldn't dare love Self Portrait: Sure one hand is holding the camera - but where's the other hand? Damn, I swear this would have been a good pic if it turned out
Hmmm, is it me or is there something in the air??

First Jonno, Now Blogstalker.

Bloggus Interruptus, Writer's Block, Artistic Apathy....what's going on in Blogville ???

Do we suddenly get tired of trying to be interesting?

Do we suddenly feel tied and bound to our computers and our blogs?

Is the summer heat just too much ??
("it is too hot to blog, we must fuck now" - you need to have seen "Body Heat" to get this attempt at wit)

Or is it something far more insidious (like the Bush administration) ?

Seeing that I spaced on blogging for the last 6 days I know I'm starting to sail in the same boat (but what sexy shipmates I have) so for all involved I have decided to make a list of possible blog subjects to blog on:

  • "Blogville Death Matches" . Much like "Celebrity Death Matches" we begin to pair bloggers of different belief's and ideoligies to spar in a cage (ala "Mad Max and the Thunderdome"). Right now I am scouring web sites looking for a Black-haired, White-faced Goth Master into Marilyn Manson to get a Broadway Musical-sized ass-whooping from the lovable Mermaniac
  • "Love Life Inventory". We've inventoried our fridges, bathroom cabinets and wardrobes, how 'bout our love lifes? Write a chronological tell-all blog detailing the crushes, the CRUSHES, the flirtations, the loves, the losses and the "if I ever see that bastard in a dark alley even the rats will run scared" 's. Please supply full names, mailing addresses, photographs and any embarrassing answering machine messages....we, uh need these for, uh, um - references.
  • "Pick the Missing DC Intern". Sleuthing after the fact is fun, but pulllllllleeeeeeezzzzeee, let's get in the game and pick the intern "before" her DCA sleaze-bag, pretty-boy, politician boss has her knocked off by his psycho brother (I mean not like it happened that way). Qualities to look for: Unique/Confusing first name, "Glamour Shots" taking at the mall, enjoys affairs with older, married men.
  • "Role Reversal". Well sure pretty much all of us in this reader's circle are gay (We're FABULOUS!) but how would the point of views of our web sites change if we were straight - I mean I'm sure if I was straight I would be obsessed with sex, always cracking witty/smart ass commentary at life at large, be unemployed and working out every day...oh, uh, aw shit - same Blog, never mind!
  • "Confuse an UnAccompanied Minor". Actually this is more or less the theme for a new FOX reality show I'm pitching where we take innocent, frightened, unaccompianed minors and then place them on major airlines and make them feel like luggage (you think your gonna end up WHERE ??? buhahahahahahahahaaha!!). The show will incorporate great close-ups of the little cherub's faces as we put them on a coast-to-coast connecting flight from ATL-ORD-DEN-PHX-SFO, whoooooo - non-stop laughs - I'm tearing up as I write.