Saturday, August 02, 2003

Every life should have a little "Hope"

My new girl, HOPE Not quite into sharing the camera yet - uh, I meant her - not me

Thursday, July 31, 2003

One entry found for codify.

Main Entry: cod·i·fy
Pronunciation: 'kä-d&-"fI, 'kO-
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): -fied; -fy·ing
Date: circa 1800
1 : to reduce to a code
- cod·i·fi·abil·i·ty /"kä-d&-"fI-&-'bi-l&-tE, "kO-/ noun
- cod·i·fi·ca·tion /-f&-'kA-sh&n/ noun
Oh Yeah - Well FUCK you !!

Marriage is such a "HOLY" thing - that's why divorce is more prevelant then cargo pants, we suggest "tax credits" to "welfare mothers" to push them to marry, we televise "proposals based on competition" (Bachelor/Bachelorette), "marriage based on national audience participation" ( Married by America), and vie on the Today Show to chat with Katie Couric and have every moment of our special "holy" day planned by a morning show.

I HATE the FUCKING Church - have always hated the fucking church - and am so sick of the right-wing, religious front, conservative sect of out nation and our world - squirming at even a hint of our acceptance. When is the last time you heard of the homosexual community being linked to genocide, starvation, civil liberties abuse, execution, terrorism or hell even Weapons of Mass Destruction (though admittedly I have met a guy or two who really - really might be in the running) ?

The Church needs to see the true enemy - it's easy, just hold the mirror up to your pious face.

and if there is a God - I only have one question: "TOP or BOTTOM" ?

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

...and so it can be.

I looked at him, in many ways as I had so many times, yet - as if I never had before.

I had done it, I had sat through dinner and conversation with Lucky - and even at points enjoyed it. He could see it, I could tell.

I was genuinely happier, stronger, more optimistic to embrace a future that once frightened me.

He went to mention at the end that he knew. He had heard there was someone else and he was happy for me. It felt forced on his part - which made it easier to tell him - that, honestly, there wasn't . I didn't need to tell him that I officially had ended it with HERO on Sunday morning, I didn't need to tell him tonight - peacefully I would sleep alone in my bed for the first time in 5 weeks - I only "wanted" to tell him that my happiness was emanating from me - not from or because of another.

As we sat at the wine bistro, it had begun, finally Arizona was about to get it's first true monsoon.

The wind whipped
trees fell folly
and the rain poured down - unafraid of either.

I looked at Lucky and I said, "Can we do one last thing?"

When he questioned what, I asked:

"Can we just walk out in to this storm - that rain - and can we just let it wash all of this away...can we just start fresh as friends ?"

We didn't make it a foot out the door and it drenched us - fashion gone to hell, bygones - just gone and we both laughed gleefully at how clean, how real, how beautiful it felt. I made him walk with me to my car and I gave him a song by East Mountain South about letting go and moving on:

"You only have to listen to it once", I said - "...but, please - listen to it now"

I climbed into my car, and through sheets of rain - I watched my past walk away.