i was gonnna post this big drunken blog about dinner at a completely straight-factory of healthy but delicious patsta, folllowed by drinks with bitches with power tits at MERC Bar - followed up by an evening of lesbo loving at ANBB - but crap - this boys got to rest up to terrorize TUCSON tommorrow

Can guys take "Midol" ???

Can guys take Midol to save there pounding head from a hang-over ??

If I married you, would you sit around in a sexy wife beater and knock me up (and around) ??

How many men are you allowed to go on a date with in one respective period before your nicknamed "Smurfette" (friggin bitch was getting it coming and going) ??

How come I haven't put out yet ???

Why can't I get the boy with the CS (uh - you'll figure out what it stands for) lips out of my head - and why does he know he's in my head when I try not to show it ??

And where the fuck have you been ??? Standing at urinal again ? (psst I'm acting tough, but I miss ya baby - let's have breakfast/coffee tomorrow)

How much more BBC, NPR, CNN can I take before I just want to act like it's not really going on ??

Another date/hang out/thingie with Bachelor #1 tonight - this will be the 5th, this time he's made reservations - that sounds so serious I want to giggle. Bachelor #2 actually asked me what I was passionate about last night and actually wanted to know the answer - uh, I'm not used to guy actually giving a damn about what "I" think.

Please make my head stop hurting.

Oh and apologies to Mr. Sunshine and Mr Lord of Darkness (kidding) for taking so long to update your moves on my links - I'm still reading you - I'm just frigging lazy - it's all the masturbation and booze. And I have some new lads I want to add - namely you and you and we'll just see how long I take to get around to that.

I want a horoscope like this EVERY day :

LEO

In his book Animals and Psychedelics, ethnobotanist Giorgio Samorini proves that many animals deliberately alter their consciousness. His evidence includes robins that get drunk on holly berries and act "like winged clowns," as well as goats that are dependent on caffeine and reindeer that seek out hallucinogenic mushrooms. Samorini concludes that the desire to get high is a natural drive. He suggests that intoxication has served as an evolutionary force for some species, breaking down outworn habits in such a way as to improve long-term survival. All this is prelude to my advice for you, Leo: You now have a cosmic mandate to shed your shticks and expand your awareness. Since you're not just an animal, but also an ingenious human, you don't have to resort to drugs and alcohol to do it. But you should do it.


courtesy of Free Will Astrology

Oh and BTW - Cutie Number One and Co-hort Cutie Number Two - be warned - like a swarm of locusts I will descend on Tucson this Saturday and Saturday Night for street festival. I will be rebel-rousing, grabbing asses, drinking heavily, cursing frequently, and mentioning as many times as it takes how horny I am - to get the job done. Please lock up your friends and neighbors - or just hand the cute ones over to me and no one gets hurt.

Hooray for the Lambs

This post is in complete celebration of the most "fantasical" and "dangerous" of all the animals in the animal kingdom.

WHAT ???? You don't believe me.

Well let me explain - while some people think that lambs are indigineous to only the grand state of Texas, it has become quite evident to me that they have agressively migrated to all the interlocking states and even beyond (Hawaii - keep a look out baby!). Many people misinterpret the lambs great contribution to society. Let me point out in recent weeks some of the many great contibutions lambs have done for the greater good of the US of Aaaaaaaaaaaa.

Get them Dixie Chicks ! And you thought the match up between a lamb and a chick could only happen at the county fair - oh mon frere (oops - no french, no french ! ) , that traitor-ess Natalie and her big head - what has she done. Lambs see her for what she is "a commie" - all 3 feet, 4 inches of her ! Sure she seemed like maybe she was just bright enough when beyond the brain-washing Pro-American sentiment of our news/marketing/publicity machines to see that the rest of the world thinks that maybe good ole George Bush is just a bit of a international, diplomatic-retard, red-neck bully - but the lambs saw right through that - growl with me - she's a traitor. I mean really - a girl band whose actually willing to look the way the want, sing the music from their roots and work outside the normal conventions of a record label - they wreak of traitor. And - I know, I know - her comment ( and shame ) was directly aimed at Bush - but the lambs saw right threw that to - she disrespected every member of our armed forces and the entire United States - unlike George who totally respects their right to die in a hostile nation in an unsanctioned war against - gasp! - A Dictator.

Get that One Dictator Whew ! The lambs are right - thank god there's only one - yep, only one dictator in the whole wide world who might have weapons of mass destruction pointed at out proverbial head - Mr. Jung will you please sit down we're talking politics here - yes sir - kill this one and we're all done. The lambs know that the stork brings the dictator and plops him down in middle eastern country once every few decades - thank goodness our government never ever knew a thing about this man and his surprising rise to power.

They All Look Alike I've been wasting so much time during this to understand the political, religious and ethnic differences of the multicultural players of this international chess game. The Lambs know how to make it so much easier - they all look alike! Iraqi's, Iranians, Arabs, Israeli's, Syrians - they all look alike. It just makes it so much easier to dismiss centuries upon centuries of existance - and you have alot more time to watch 'American Idol'. Plus it's a sure hit to draw the line between each and every one of them. It's like "Liberty Sheild Connect-the-Dots", since they ALL look alike they ALL must plan their terrorist activities together ! Cuz I still remember learning in Ms Hadley's 7th grade home room that whenever you want to keep a secret ( or plan covert, international terrorist activities ) it's a lot easier by involving and telling as many of your classmates as possible.

Hate the French Never forget - if their not with us, their against us - if their against us - boycott the common household use of the name of anything that reminds you have them. Whew - can those lambs make a stand or not. I learned about this one while sitting next to a lovely couple from Grand Rapids, Michigan at the Cirque du Soleil show. They had matching beret's - it was really quite darling to see a lamb in a beret.

So I just keep trying to remember what the lambs honorary motto is :

Let's see I know it goes - "Lamb's to a ____________ "

Uh, "Bath House", naaaaa
maybe "Circuit Party" ???
I know - I know....
Slaughter.

Now where did I put my "Autour De Lucie" CD's and orange duct tape ?

I can't even begin to think how the four words; Blitzkreig, George Bush and Diplomacy will be strung together in history text books ten years from now.