Wednesday, March 19, 2003

Hooray for the Lambs

This post is in complete celebration of the most "fantasical" and "dangerous" of all the animals in the animal kingdom.

WHAT ???? You don't believe me.

Well let me explain - while some people think that lambs are indigineous to only the grand state of Texas, it has become quite evident to me that they have agressively migrated to all the interlocking states and even beyond (Hawaii - keep a look out baby!). Many people misinterpret the lambs great contribution to society. Let me point out in recent weeks some of the many great contibutions lambs have done for the greater good of the US of Aaaaaaaaaaaa.

  • Get them Dixie Chicks ! And you thought the match up between a lamb and a chick could only happen at the county fair - oh mon frere (oops - no french, no french ! ) , that traitor-ess Natalie and her big head - what has she done. Lambs see her for what she is "a commie" - all 3 feet, 4 inches of her ! Sure she seemed like maybe she was just bright enough when beyond the brain-washing Pro-American sentiment of our news/marketing/publicity machines to see that the rest of the world thinks that maybe good ole George Bush is just a bit of a international, diplomatic-retard, red-neck bully - but the lambs saw right through that - growl with me - she's a traitor. I mean really - a girl band whose actually willing to look the way the want, sing the music from their roots and work outside the normal conventions of a record label - they wreak of traitor. And - I know, I know - her comment ( and shame ) was directly aimed at Bush - but the lambs saw right threw that to - she disrespected every member of our armed forces and the entire United States - unlike George who totally respects their right to die in a hostile nation in an unsanctioned war against - gasp! - A Dictator.

  • Get that One Dictator Whew ! The lambs are right - thank god there's only one - yep, only one dictator in the whole wide world who might have weapons of mass destruction pointed at out proverbial head - Mr. Jung will you please sit down we're talking politics here - yes sir - kill this one and we're all done. The lambs know that the stork brings the dictator and plops him down in middle eastern country once every few decades - thank goodness our government never ever knew a thing about this man and his surprising rise to power.

  • They All Look Alike I've been wasting so much time during this to understand the political, religious and ethnic differences of the multicultural players of this international chess game. The Lambs know how to make it so much easier - they all look alike! Iraqi's, Iranians, Arabs, Israeli's, Syrians - they all look alike. It just makes it so much easier to dismiss centuries upon centuries of existance - and you have alot more time to watch 'American Idol'. Plus it's a sure hit to draw the line between each and every one of them. It's like "Liberty Sheild Connect-the-Dots", since they ALL look alike they ALL must plan their terrorist activities together ! Cuz I still remember learning in Ms Hadley's 7th grade home room that whenever you want to keep a secret ( or plan covert, international terrorist activities ) it's a lot easier by involving and telling as many of your classmates as possible.

  • Hate the French Never forget - if their not with us, their against us - if their against us - boycott the common household use of the name of anything that reminds you have them. Whew - can those lambs make a stand or not. I learned about this one while sitting next to a lovely couple from Grand Rapids, Michigan at the Cirque du Soleil show. They had matching beret's - it was really quite darling to see a lamb in a beret.

    So I just keep trying to remember what the lambs honorary motto is :

    Let's see I know it goes - "Lamb's to a ____________ "

    Uh, "Bath House", naaaaa
    maybe "Circuit Party" ???
    I know - I know....

    Now where did I put my "Autour De Lucie" CD's and orange duct tape ?