Saturday, June 30, 2001
Anyway - I just had to check in on the lovely boys of bloggerville - Hungover and Contemplative
Soooo my attention is off my boy and he deserves it more than you :)
See ya later!
Friday, June 29, 2001
Doctor: I'm afraid we're going to have to amputate.
Me: my head ????
Doctor: I'm afraid so it's been damaged beyond repair, I mean really - didn't you see it coming ?
Me: Well, uh, I mean - ouch- your trying to make me use my head - it hurts, OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD - it hurts
Doctor: Now just hold still for a second and we'll relieve you of the pain.
(INSERT HERE: sound of chain-saw revving up)
(INSERT HERE: sound of "thump" as head falls to floor)
Me: Oooooooh, that does feel better!
I am hung over, I am 'John Holmes, Dirk Diggler, Jeff Stryker-Hung-over'....I hate this pathetic feeling. I wake on my living room floor at 5am curled up next to the phone and a box of Apple Jacks (some men need to fear there boyfriend cheating on them when their drunk - mine has to fear me devouring an entire box of sugar-coated cereal - dry). One of the few comments I remember - when introduced to a guy who was a little to impressed with what he made, what he wore, what he drove and what he looked like in the mirror over my shoulder I just said "oh hi - I don't like you one bit". One of the other remembered comments - when my absolutely adorable/lovable/deliciously beautiful friends Leslie & Mark introduced me to another straight couple they were friends with at 'Jazz in the Park" - I corrected them and said that I was actually their "token-drunk-gay-friend". I am normally kinda cute and endearing when I drink - last night - I was not. I know better than this - the Irish are not to be allowed around booze when grumpy. I had to go by the old office (you know the Advertising Agency that manages to make it to 'Creativity' magazines "Cool companies to watch" and still loses millions in the same year) and clean out my office while HR stood guard. I mean really - am I gonna make a run for it with a stack of Post-It notes ?? I was incredibly tempted to walk into the office unshaved, unbathed, wearing a ratty bath robe (no - I don't own one - I love being nude at home) and have them just shake their heads and mumble "Poor dear - we've broken him". It was the first time I ever had an office in my career, and shit was it a cool one - huge windows - looking out to Lake Michigan and totally freaked out with my toys (Curious George lunch pail, Rocky & Bullwinkle figures, South Park wind-up figures, Dilbert doll) and the walls covered with the most clever ad's I could find inspiration in. I wanted to punch someone - I wanted to strike down the defenseless and stupid HR gal - a stoner, hippie of 55 who just kept telling how terrible she felt - how quiet the office was without me - partners stopped by to shake my hand and profess what a delight it was to be in my presence - how quickly someone like me would find a job - my boss left me a card that reads like a love note and was written in the form of a poem - puleeeeeeezzzzze.
'Lucky' gets in tonight - I need this - I need him. His presence is like a cool bath on a hot day. I plan to let him do things to me and do things to him that are unforgivable in the name of Christians. Yum....sex has amazing healing powers - and no hang over.
Wednesday, June 27, 2001
Looks like it....thanks to several of my Blogger buddies (new and old) for checking in with today to see how I was enjoying my new "lifestyle" of leisure, mid-day work-outs, coffee houses and Blog lurking.
To be honest I had a terrific day - I felt an amazing amount of energy and purpose (though admittedly a little hung over from hanging with friends last night)...I made an embarrassing amount of lists detailing the many things that would transpire as I pack up and move on - Milwaukee my dear friends - is only meant to be a story in the greater adventure in my life. Yes - EB I think your right - there's someone waiting out west for me and has been since I left Arizona just 11 months ago. I wrote a wonderful email to all the partners of the agency thanking them for giving me the chance to work with them and for allowing me the chance to teach them - very cathartic. Things to do, things to do, hours to go before I sleep....
I have a lot to accomplish in the next couple of weeks and 2000 miles to drive - in the meanwhile "Lucky" (my boy) arrives here on Friday night - I can only pray the fireproof apartment walls spare my neighbors the loud, um - "music". The gauntlet will be run in Chicago as he meets all my friends (I chuckle at the thought of my beautiful boy standing in the middle of "Cellblock" on a Saturday night) and then a big dinner with the Milwaukee contingency next Tuesday at La Fuente - here's hoping everyone is on there best behavior.
Tuesday, June 26, 2001
- The first time you fall from a bike, or your own two feet
- The first time you get called 'fag', if they meant it - or not - but you heard it and the chill ran up your spine
- When your first pet dies - Keesha, my Keeshond, he was 12.
- The first crush: his name was Ben, 15, beautiful, blond with piercing blue eyes - my love note (to my then best friend) was carelessly dropped on our high school campus, by 6th period it had become the stuff of a John Hughes nightmare. I cried for weeks
- The first one to cheat, his name was David, ran track, smoked pot and made me feel cool - I was 17, he gave me Chlamydia (I gave him a broken nose)
- The first death: his name Joe (Big Man on Campus), we were buddies in college - closeted, he lost his life to AIDS - he died during the summer, I had to grieve 3 months after his death.
- The first person I loved who took their life - an exboyfriend who saw sadness and shadows in every corner, I was one of the last calls he made and for months I hated him for giving me that guilt and leaving me to grieve.
- The first time I truly loved someone and it ended. It was meant to end and I would have never met the love of my life if it hadn't happened, but I wandered around damaged goods for two years.
- The first time I ever heard the words - "I'm afraid we have to let you go - blah,blah,blah - economic downturn" - the first time I was ever laid off - today.
I wanted to see everything else on this list so I remembered the difference between painful hurt and passing hurt...today was passing hurt. I got through the entire day - in the end I only cried when I saw the email from my father with the subject line "I'm sorry".
I'm tired - it will be ok, I'll figure it out. This list helped....