Friday, December 21, 2001

...well the boyfriend and I decided to launch into one of those "are-we-really-having-a-fight-about-not-having-a-fight-because-we-were-about-to-have-a-fight" fight's last night, 30 minutes before we left to have dinner with my parents...the stress was complemented by my boyfriend (who yes I love with EVERY fiber of my being) pulling his - "I'm not going to speak to you except in Boolean code (YES/NO), but when you give up trying to engage me in conversation I'm going to look at you and say - so your gonna sulk now??"...this is further complemented by the huge smiles, big hugs attitude every member of my family gets at dinner (the folks took us to Red Lobster - could we appear anymore white trash??) and then after dinner, back in the car, reversion to said previous tactics #1 and #2 (but the upgrade on #2 to the so, you gonna be mad at me all night?? comment.)

2 years, 2 months and our first real Christmas celebration with my family and I was miserable. Not to sure the pup has to worry about seeing anything tonight.

I'm trying to shake it. Tonight is supposed to be "our" Christmas and since I was in Milwaukee last year, this will only be our second Christmas together. But I haven't shook it yet. I haven't wrapped his gifts yet. I haven't written all the beautiful things in his card yet.

I knew this before, I know this now and I will probably know this forever - the hardest job I have ever had in my life is being a boyfriend. Ups, Downs, the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. The greatest and most rewarding job I have ever had, and at the exact same time probably the most frustrating. Each time I think I've figured out all of my job duties and think I'm "exceeding expectations" - I'm thrown a cold glare and I rebound to "unsatisfactory performance on the job"

Can someone get me a "employee manual" for Christmas ????

Tuesday, December 18, 2001

damn this guilt.....I'm so behind on blogging it sucks. Holiday madness. Boyfriend leaves for Jersey for 6 days for Xmas while I stay here with my family. We'll be celebrating our Christmas this Thursday with my folks (so they can give him his presents) and then Friday (just the two of us). The new dog has been killing the sex life (I just feel so weird having her in the room watching - ya know. And she cries if she's locked out), but I really need to get it and give it on our Christmas night so maybe I can get her doggie blinders - suggestions ????