Friday, December 21, 2001

...well the boyfriend and I decided to launch into one of those "are-we-really-having-a-fight-about-not-having-a-fight-because-we-were-about-to-have-a-fight" fight's last night, 30 minutes before we left to have dinner with my parents...the stress was complemented by my boyfriend (who yes I love with EVERY fiber of my being) pulling his - "I'm not going to speak to you except in Boolean code (YES/NO), but when you give up trying to engage me in conversation I'm going to look at you and say - so your gonna sulk now??"...this is further complemented by the huge smiles, big hugs attitude every member of my family gets at dinner (the folks took us to Red Lobster - could we appear anymore white trash??) and then after dinner, back in the car, reversion to said previous tactics #1 and #2 (but the upgrade on #2 to the so, you gonna be mad at me all night?? comment.)

2 years, 2 months and our first real Christmas celebration with my family and I was miserable. Not to sure the pup has to worry about seeing anything tonight.

I'm trying to shake it. Tonight is supposed to be "our" Christmas and since I was in Milwaukee last year, this will only be our second Christmas together. But I haven't shook it yet. I haven't wrapped his gifts yet. I haven't written all the beautiful things in his card yet.

I knew this before, I know this now and I will probably know this forever - the hardest job I have ever had in my life is being a boyfriend. Ups, Downs, the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. The greatest and most rewarding job I have ever had, and at the exact same time probably the most frustrating. Each time I think I've figured out all of my job duties and think I'm "exceeding expectations" - I'm thrown a cold glare and I rebound to "unsatisfactory performance on the job"

Can someone get me a "employee manual" for Christmas ????