Tuesday, May 29, 2001

wow - when I mentioned getting lost I must have meant it. Must be the heavy levels of seratonin depleted this weekend. Hmmm - started tripping-skipping-sipping through the blog files around 5pm - I should be at the gym....shirtless circumstances are calling this weekend (but ugh, the vanity get's old - but shit I'm getting older - so as I said - I really, REALLY should be at the gym)....

....nope, still here (ok, so if I skip the gym two days in a row what's the worst that will happen ?)

I like being in the office at this time of night though - twilight is finally bringing an amber hue to the city, from my office I can see Lake Michigan, the 100 year old apartment building I live in and the other buildings of downtown Milwaukee.

Here's what's tickling my thought pattern tonight:

How do I react the first time someone put's two-and-two together to who I am off of this site ? I mean I feel this perverse desire to connect with my fellow bloggers but what of the lurkers (I used to be one) - I want to say more here: how much I want to move back to AZ and plan to soon, that suddenly my dream job has become as fulfilling as a helium, that I miss and love my boyfriend with everything in me - but still feel lust in my bones for the boys in Boystown, that I can be both the most sentimental fucker you ever met, the kindest and the most arrogant in the same breath, but I have to admit I worry about a co-worker stumbling upon this (early on before I starting blogging I was way too vocal about what a great concept I thought this was), or an ex, or an enemy (I really don't think I have any but there are two absolutes in life: somewhere there is someone who loves you and just can't help feeling that way AND somewhere there is someone who hates you and just can't help feeling that way)

I mean I'm starting to give way to adding pics of me - I can't be stupid - I'm making it easier to put it all together - but I feel this need to open up a little more to my fellow bloggers that have made efforts to bring me in to their world.

Hmmm kinda a whiny entry...OK, so here's the deal - if you read this and you think, hey I KNOW Holden - remember you've climbed inside my head by stepping into this web site - be careful with it's contents - the owner of them deems them valuable.