Just a slightly beefcake-ish shot in case my boyfriend is reading while he's 3000 miles away.I miss you, babe....
Friday, March 01, 2002
uh ....not sure how this cutie showed up on my referral log - but I think I might have a bit of a crush on him ;)
Don't worry boyfriend - your safe - he'll just think (at 32) that I'm a dirty old man *grins*
embarrasingly nice web design and an easy face to look at - all of 19 - oh to be that young again.
Psssssst - I can buy ya beer (wink-wink, nudge-nudge)....
....I'm missing my boy something fierce.
....my last blog really set some peoples fires.
....I'm afraid this ONE must be lying dead in a ditch or something (wearing a sundress no less) since he no showed Roscoes for beer.
....felt pretty good about the fact that hitting the gym 6 days a week for the past 3 weeks was showing last night, my size SMALL "Peterbilt" shirt received many favorable remarks
....actually had someone (recollectively) refer to me (in my youth) as such a serious and introspective looking young man (does that just mean "unapproachable")
....dinner party tonight and I'm really just feeling blue and blah and just want to cuddle my dog (and pet the kitty)
....it's Friday and I'm itching to get the heck out of here and it's, well, only 9:26am
....my last blog really set some peoples fires.
....I'm afraid this ONE must be lying dead in a ditch or something (wearing a sundress no less) since he no showed Roscoes for beer.
....felt pretty good about the fact that hitting the gym 6 days a week for the past 3 weeks was showing last night, my size SMALL "Peterbilt" shirt received many favorable remarks
....actually had someone (recollectively) refer to me (in my youth) as such a serious and introspective looking young man (does that just mean "unapproachable")
....dinner party tonight and I'm really just feeling blue and blah and just want to cuddle my dog (and pet the kitty)
....it's Friday and I'm itching to get the heck out of here and it's, well, only 9:26am
Wednesday, February 27, 2002
My boy takes off for Parsippany NJ tonight to go to the christening (which I admittedly thought was pronounced "Chrish-nen", so I probably didn't spell it right either) of his new neice. In some ways gay relationships are like a little dance step - one forward/one back. More frightening than the Macarena and more complicated than the Tango.
While Lucky's parents have finally met me (July), and seem to approve of me, I am invited to "nothing" - not Christmas, not Thanksgiving, not Birthdays and well, not, Christenings.
I think family and friends spend so much time in the first few years of a loved one coming out (Lucky, I mean) selfishly wondering how "THEY" are coping with it, they lose all sense of common decency and etiquette.
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2.5 years, we have lived together going on 9 months, we are buying a house together, I am spending the rest of my life with him - but somewhere, somehow society has deemed it ok, loved ones of the man I love have deemed it ok and even strangers to us both have deemed it ok - that how "I" feel doesn't really matter much, what "I" want is acceptable as long as not spoken and surely what "I" need isn't important enough to ruffle a few feathers.
Really this isn't directly anyones "fault", but it's just a damn shame....
I really would make a wonderful Son-In-Law.
While Lucky's parents have finally met me (July), and seem to approve of me, I am invited to "nothing" - not Christmas, not Thanksgiving, not Birthdays and well, not, Christenings.
I think family and friends spend so much time in the first few years of a loved one coming out (Lucky, I mean) selfishly wondering how "THEY" are coping with it, they lose all sense of common decency and etiquette.
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2.5 years, we have lived together going on 9 months, we are buying a house together, I am spending the rest of my life with him - but somewhere, somehow society has deemed it ok, loved ones of the man I love have deemed it ok and even strangers to us both have deemed it ok - that how "I" feel doesn't really matter much, what "I" want is acceptable as long as not spoken and surely what "I" need isn't important enough to ruffle a few feathers.
Really this isn't directly anyones "fault", but it's just a damn shame....
I really would make a wonderful Son-In-Law.
Friday, February 22, 2002
From the time I was a precocious, little youngster - to rebellious, idealistic teenager - to full-blown "not always exciting" adulthood I have envisioned shaping my life through the choice of many dream careers and professions.
The question "What are YOU going to be when you grow up?" was never lost on me, never silent, a combination of aspiration, enthusiasm and Torrets would come spewing forth with answers like the following:
Age 4-6: Fireman - well now I just want to sleep with one and wear the uniforms.
Age 7-10: Superhero - of course my super powers were "super human strength" and "x-ray vision"...sigh, I still want to be a Superhero - of course at 32 I feel a little uncomfortable wearing tights.
Age 11-12: World Renowned Chef - the problem is I only "really" enjoyed making party platters and hor-deurves, damned to be a "Hostess"
Age 13-15: Wall Street Stock Broker - I had way too much time on my hands envisioning myself as the real "Alex P. Keaton"
Age 16-19: Free-Lance Journalist covering World Events - I was going to cover the world as it changed and evolved, thus helping others to change and evolve.
Age 20-32: Businessman - I just wanted to be able to pay back my student loans.
Present: A happy, productive, caring, generous human.
I bring all this up now because I spent the last few years of high school and first two years of community college wanting nothing more than to be a journalist - what I saw as a combination of gung-ho hero, altruist, rebel, scholar, peacekeeper and enlightened soul. Night after night my mother would cut out articles about journalists being kidnapped, tortured and murdered - "this will be your fate" she would worriedly exclaim. But If you can remember how strongly you felt things (the things you truly first BELIEVED in those early years of adulthood) - you'll understand why I so wanted to pursue that dream despite my parents wishes, and then how last night the tears welled up in the corners of my eyes when I heard they had slit Daniel Pearls throat.
No "cause" is better than another "cause"
No"religion" is more justified in it's barbaric actions than another "religion" - barbaric actions are just that BARBARIC.
If "there's" is the "WRONG/EVIL" side and "yours" is the "RIGHT/GOOD" side, than easily when you stand in "their" shoes it's just the exact opposite
Let's face it - murder is murder - truth like that is simple.
The question "What are YOU going to be when you grow up?" was never lost on me, never silent, a combination of aspiration, enthusiasm and Torrets would come spewing forth with answers like the following:
Age 4-6: Fireman - well now I just want to sleep with one and wear the uniforms.
Age 7-10: Superhero - of course my super powers were "super human strength" and "x-ray vision"...sigh, I still want to be a Superhero - of course at 32 I feel a little uncomfortable wearing tights.
Age 11-12: World Renowned Chef - the problem is I only "really" enjoyed making party platters and hor-deurves, damned to be a "Hostess"
Age 13-15: Wall Street Stock Broker - I had way too much time on my hands envisioning myself as the real "Alex P. Keaton"
Age 16-19: Free-Lance Journalist covering World Events - I was going to cover the world as it changed and evolved, thus helping others to change and evolve.
Age 20-32: Businessman - I just wanted to be able to pay back my student loans.
Present: A happy, productive, caring, generous human.
I bring all this up now because I spent the last few years of high school and first two years of community college wanting nothing more than to be a journalist - what I saw as a combination of gung-ho hero, altruist, rebel, scholar, peacekeeper and enlightened soul. Night after night my mother would cut out articles about journalists being kidnapped, tortured and murdered - "this will be your fate" she would worriedly exclaim. But If you can remember how strongly you felt things (the things you truly first BELIEVED in those early years of adulthood) - you'll understand why I so wanted to pursue that dream despite my parents wishes, and then how last night the tears welled up in the corners of my eyes when I heard they had slit Daniel Pearls throat.
No "cause" is better than another "cause"
No"religion" is more justified in it's barbaric actions than another "religion" - barbaric actions are just that BARBARIC.
If "there's" is the "WRONG/EVIL" side and "yours" is the "RIGHT/GOOD" side, than easily when you stand in "their" shoes it's just the exact opposite
Let's face it - murder is murder - truth like that is simple.
Thursday, February 21, 2002
....i'm curious - when the fuck did it become the 21st of February ???
Suddenly the next big holidays are Easter, Memorial Day, July 4th (the first two relative to circuit parties - White Party & IML and the last my loving boyfriends birthday)....but I mean "Hey SLOW DOWN already!".....
I thought it was just yesterday I was packing up 30 years of my life to move away to pursue the pinnacle of my professional success in Milwaukee, NOPE, yesterday turned out to be a gut-wrenching (but short lived break-up with the love of my life as a 2000 mile distance crushed our resolve), OOPS, NO AGAIN, yesterday was one of the most special conversations of my life where Lucky & I realized we could only possibly envision growing old with each other, OR - HOLD IT! - NO, yesterday was the sad, downward-spiralling of my life as I was laid off from a job for the first time in my life and I moved 2000 miles across the country (leaving so many new and absolutely wonderful friends behind) to move in with my boyfriend.....but, NO, as of TODAY, Yesterday has changed AGAIN, and seems to keep changing at a dizzying speed.
Guess it just makes me wonder what TOMORROW is going to be all about ?
Suddenly the next big holidays are Easter, Memorial Day, July 4th (the first two relative to circuit parties - White Party & IML and the last my loving boyfriends birthday)....but I mean "Hey SLOW DOWN already!".....
I thought it was just yesterday I was packing up 30 years of my life to move away to pursue the pinnacle of my professional success in Milwaukee, NOPE, yesterday turned out to be a gut-wrenching (but short lived break-up with the love of my life as a 2000 mile distance crushed our resolve), OOPS, NO AGAIN, yesterday was one of the most special conversations of my life where Lucky & I realized we could only possibly envision growing old with each other, OR - HOLD IT! - NO, yesterday was the sad, downward-spiralling of my life as I was laid off from a job for the first time in my life and I moved 2000 miles across the country (leaving so many new and absolutely wonderful friends behind) to move in with my boyfriend.....but, NO, as of TODAY, Yesterday has changed AGAIN, and seems to keep changing at a dizzying speed.
Guess it just makes me wonder what TOMORROW is going to be all about ?
Monday, February 18, 2002
What a terrificly fun weekend of friends, substance abuse, dancing, substance abuse, flirting, substance abuse, sex...well you get the picture. I can't believe I'm at work - I am so sneaking out of here early (since the boss is wandering the streets of Serrento, Italy looking for pizza and afternoon movie or Bloody Mary with friends may be in order).
Had a really enjoyable breakfast with everyones favorite anagram - encorswish. You have to spend time with Chris to know how much fun he is - and later we took him back to our place and did him doggy-style (just joking - wink-wink, nugde-nudge).
Trying to recover from a great weekend and sapped energy - where are mothers miracle pills - hmmmm?
Wednesday, February 13, 2002
Oh you, have I ever told you how giddy you make me - what??? NO - your joking with me, stop that - HEY that tickles - you cute, silly tease
you've had my eye for quite some time now.
I've been spending my days toying with the irresistible idea of you and me - while so many daily duldrum facets of the day wash away - escaping me
So well you know I think your beautiful and I mean from the inside out - ya know
and well I think your neat - not just a little but crud, more than Sea Monkeys
SO I guess what I'm trying to ask - trying to be the first to inquire.....
well, will you...maybe, would you...perhaps, could you.... Be My Valentine ???
Tuesday, February 12, 2002
hold it....if I was gonna be an answer to a question...couldn't the question have been:
"Most willing to be the Midwest filling between East (Choire) Meets West (Philo) ?"
I mean with the boyfriends permission and all
Congrats on the 100,000 hit.
40 days to White Party. I feel pretty fat to be wearing white, maybe a Blue Party would appear more slimming.
"Most willing to be the Midwest filling between East (Choire) Meets West (Philo) ?"
I mean with the boyfriends permission and all
Congrats on the 100,000 hit.
40 days to White Party. I feel pretty fat to be wearing white, maybe a Blue Party would appear more slimming.
Monday, February 11, 2002
Choire one of the demigods (wink-wink, nudge-nudge - girlish daydream style sigh) of the web - finally read Crumpled Dollar Bills .....hmmm such pressure to write something even more memorable.
Saturday, February 09, 2002
.....hmmmmmm, but what does it say about this hangover?
You are a very sensitive person and you try hard - (perhaps a little too hard) - to make favourable impressions and to be recognised by your peers... But you have that inherent need to feel appreciated and admired. You are easily hurt if all of your endeavours go by unappreciated or not acknowledged. stop trying so hard
You are very talented, imaginative and sensitive; but you are holding back as you do not really like going it "on your own"... In preference you would like to team up with someone, someone with similar attributes as your own ... to explore .. to seek out and go perhaps "where no other man has trod before" ... It is the unusual that attracts you and which will give you a sense of excitement and adventure.
"Compromise" is the name of the game at this time...and it is the only way by means of which you can avoid being deprived of the love and affection you so rightly deserve...so soften up a little.. be flexible.
The tension that you are experiencing at this time is perhaps due to physical and/or mental frustration. It would appear that you are not appreciated and as a consequence the situation is most disagreeable. You seek personal recognition and the appreciation of others to compensate for the lack of like minded people with whom to ally yourself. You would like to surrender and merge with others ... but your inherent self-restraint makes it difficult for you to open up. This disturbs you as you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You want to be liked, admired and appreciated for yourself.
You need to be respected as an exceptional individual. This is the only way that you can hope to achieve the status that you wish to achieve. You set yourself very high standards ... and come what may ... you abide by them.
Source Colorgenics
You are a very sensitive person and you try hard - (perhaps a little too hard) - to make favourable impressions and to be recognised by your peers... But you have that inherent need to feel appreciated and admired. You are easily hurt if all of your endeavours go by unappreciated or not acknowledged. stop trying so hard
You are very talented, imaginative and sensitive; but you are holding back as you do not really like going it "on your own"... In preference you would like to team up with someone, someone with similar attributes as your own ... to explore .. to seek out and go perhaps "where no other man has trod before" ... It is the unusual that attracts you and which will give you a sense of excitement and adventure.
"Compromise" is the name of the game at this time...and it is the only way by means of which you can avoid being deprived of the love and affection you so rightly deserve...so soften up a little.. be flexible.
The tension that you are experiencing at this time is perhaps due to physical and/or mental frustration. It would appear that you are not appreciated and as a consequence the situation is most disagreeable. You seek personal recognition and the appreciation of others to compensate for the lack of like minded people with whom to ally yourself. You would like to surrender and merge with others ... but your inherent self-restraint makes it difficult for you to open up. This disturbs you as you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You want to be liked, admired and appreciated for yourself.
You need to be respected as an exceptional individual. This is the only way that you can hope to achieve the status that you wish to achieve. You set yourself very high standards ... and come what may ... you abide by them.
Source Colorgenics
Friday, February 08, 2002
Why, oh why, do these search phrases pull up my site ??
PS - 8LDJ thanks for the emails - i thought you deserved something honest in return ;)
- Hot and Sexy Katie Couric
- baby acrylic sweater
- mary tyler moore bare feet
PS - 8LDJ thanks for the emails - i thought you deserved something honest in return ;)
Wednesday, February 06, 2002
...the last week - actually scratch that - the last year, of my life has made the proverbial "life as a rollercoaster" analogy seem far too tame to capture the ups, the downs, the random whipping about, thrusting forward - then upside down - then rightside again.
Somehow after a summer of professional drought, after many periods - some brief, some not - of complete self doubt - I managed to receive two job offers in one day on Thursday. There was no level of comparison between the two - one corporate, one not. I mulled this one over with as much frivolity as an Ingmar Bergman film.
BUT...I realized something. There are NO unbreakable paths. There are no decisions that will so foreshadow the future of your life that you can never put it back on track again. If you are a resilent, clever, brave and a resourceful individual you will uncover opportunity within all your obstacles.
So I stayed with the non-corporate job (now finally with a defined salary and bonus structure - deep sigh of relief). If it doesn't work out - well - it just doesn't. I'll start over, move on and make my way somewhere else.
It's just nice to be done with it all for now.
Somehow after a summer of professional drought, after many periods - some brief, some not - of complete self doubt - I managed to receive two job offers in one day on Thursday. There was no level of comparison between the two - one corporate, one not. I mulled this one over with as much frivolity as an Ingmar Bergman film.
BUT...I realized something. There are NO unbreakable paths. There are no decisions that will so foreshadow the future of your life that you can never put it back on track again. If you are a resilent, clever, brave and a resourceful individual you will uncover opportunity within all your obstacles.
So I stayed with the non-corporate job (now finally with a defined salary and bonus structure - deep sigh of relief). If it doesn't work out - well - it just doesn't. I'll start over, move on and make my way somewhere else.
It's just nice to be done with it all for now.
Wednesday, January 30, 2002
"Emotional Whirling Dervish seeks Structure, Foundation, Consistency, Normalcy and Security. Enjoys being told what he gets paid and not just getting cash stuffed in his hand (well I mean I enjoy that - but IT's NOT THE AMOUNT WE AGREED ON), willing to engage in extraprofessional relationships if someone better comes along and offers me title, benefits, office, salary and puts it on paper."
hmmmm...does anyone get the hint that I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with my decision to go the non-corporate route??
Hopefully no worries. I think there's a nice corporate job offering blowing in the wind.
hmmmm...does anyone get the hint that I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with my decision to go the non-corporate route??
Hopefully no worries. I think there's a nice corporate job offering blowing in the wind.
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