Thursday, November 08, 2001

"Being unemployed means throwing all your student loan statements in a box with the rest of your unpaid bills, and coming to the conclusion that if your really expensive education were worth all that you wouldn't be unemployed." spoken by IML's sexy teen spokesmodel

Dude - I know your pain, my 6 months of forebearance ("Oh sure 6 months will be enough, I'll find a new job in a month or two" - statement made over 4 months ago to my student loan issuer). Actually got my first credit card calls the other day too - first month late so their very chipper and actually feel bad about me being laid off in these tough economic times - let's see how they feel if I pushed it another month.

In recognition of Jonno's unemployment and a growing number of my friends (it's really hard to be as supportive once they too are feeling the crunch), I give you the "Signs You Are UnderEmployed":

  • When people say - "Hey, it's great you found a job", you respond "Yeah, but does this name tag make me look fat"
  • On future job applications you list your "current" job as "JUGGLER" since the underemployment position enables you to pay bills, but only by throwing several in the air at one time and then paying which ever one doesn't hit the ground.
  • You envy all the cash your friends who are sexy bartenders are making accompanied by vulgar sexual propositions and phone numbers. And then wonder if your actually more envious of the "cash" or the "vulgar sexual propositions".
  • The ranking superior your running faxes for makes $40K less then you were pulling in 5 months ago.
  • Starbucks Cafe Latte Skinny on Ice is for executives/bourgeois/hollywood starlets/the Bush Twins, I'll have the Dunkin Donuts Regular Blend, please.
  • No more Blockbuster Movie Rentals and "kitty"-vision at 3pm on a Tuesday.
  • Time to masturbate only once a day.
  • You rethink applying for a House Boy job in P-Town, Fire Island, Sagatuck (Hey - I know it's out of season, but let's face it I'm a little long in the tooth to be called a boy anyway)
  • You still have enough unused active mental energy to make lists like this.