Friday, July 11, 2003

I think HERO and I had our first fight last night.

Well not really a fight - more like a "moment".

Not like a sexy moment - though it did happen during sex.

We'd been going at it for awhile and it was all hot and fun at first, but it was late and I was tired and we'd been drinking and I have to admit - and I hate to admit this - but I just wanted him to come already. Have I mentioned, er, uh - he's 21.

Yeah, didn't think so.

Well I've never really worried about my sexual prowness but when your with someone whose all for getting it every single night (and day) - you start to get well, a little insecure. He scoffed when he heard me reference the little blue pill one night - so I've been doing all these performances "au naturale" and I got admit I'm showing a little wear-n-tear. I know it sounds more studly to say I'm an inhuman fuck machine who fucks 24-7-365, no matter sleet, snow, or economic downturns - but hey, I'm gonna be 34 in a month, I work my ass off all week long - come midnight on a work week, after a few drinks - I gotta admit my thought turns to snoozing - not snogging (that means fucking in some slang way - I'm sure of it).

So my mind starts to reel while I'm fucking him, how much longer can I keep this up ? When's my boy gonna cum already - and, um well this dizzying array of self-questioning takes my mind and too many blood cells off the task intended. Well uh, you know. Anyway moment stops - I take him back from the TV room where I had been fucking him over a chair and we go to my bedroom. Happily, he hops on and it's going fine, but now my mind is on what just happened back on the chair: "shit! shit! shit!". I'm wondering what he's thinking, suddenly I'm really feeling the age gap, my heads racing - so much so that, well, um - you know. So in my head I'm getting all defensive and angry and shit - why they fuck are we up this late? why do I feel so much pressure to perform evey night ? - and all the time I'm thinking "oh shit - it's finally happening - it's the first to go".

So HERO is playing it cool, probably thinking it's the booze - or maybe thinking it's not the booze - but thinking I better think he's thinking it's the booze. So I want to shoot myself in the head and I'm still kissing him and playing with his ass and trying to keep things hot (insert here: KILL ME) and I whisper in his ear "I wanna see you cum baby" and he tells me "no" - he wants to see me cum first. I'm thinking fucker - have you been in this room for the past ten minutes ??

So now I'm starting to feel like a show pony - an OLD, ON HIS WAY OUT TO THE PASTURE - show pony. I ask again "Come on baby - I'll cum after YOU, I wanna see you shoot that load". He says "no" again. Tells me he's happy to just be in bed with me and if we aren't BOTH gonna cum then he doesn't want to cum. (insert here: shoot the fucking show-pony now - PU IT OUT OF IT'S MISERY).

So I sigh and get up and go in the other room and wipe off. We take a shower together and I kinda let in to him - about anything:

It's immature to think that a guy doesn't have the right to just get his lover off,

That he'll be a lot wiser when he's older,

That I'm feeling a lot of pressure to put out every night

That he never makes my bed right
(um, yeah - I seriously used that one)

...AND the whole time I'm thinking "Oh SHIT - I've lost it".

So, er, uh - what did you do last night ?