Wednesday, October 30, 2002

Today's blog is brought to you by the letter "W" and the wonderful people at 'National Geographic' *
(* The editor would like to note that no coorelation has been drawn between said magazine and said letter of the alphabet - all similarities to those living and or dead is just plain freaky)

The "Would You Still Love Me If You Knew" List

  • I snore. Like a trooper. Never consistently - out of nowhere. Sometimes it doesn't happen for weeks - but when it does - for Gods Sakes tricks leap from the bed.
  • I leave the lid up. Not to be confused with leaving the seat up (that's for pagans!), but the lid - it's my mental cue to always flush.
  • I leave things in the refrigerator. I like to think of myself as an amatuer biologist - breeding new life forms fascinates me - I don a white tunic and pretend I'm Marlon Brando in "The Island of Dr. Moreau"
  • I'm a "wiper". After sex I want the cum off of me. Treat me as your sneeze guard all you want during a hot wrestle in the hay - but if you want cuddling - I need to wipe off.
  • My balls are shaved. All else is "au naturale" but unshaved balls are just unattractive and harder to chew (kidding).
  • I swear. Not a little alot. I actually have 45 different uses and inflections for the word "Fuck" to express a myriad of moods, behaviors, objects and actions. I'm trying to work on this one to make myself a little more lovable to a boyfriend who HATES it.
  • I'm a poet, but I don't write poetry.
  • I'm an artist, but I no longer paint or draw.
  • I squashed my artistic side to be a businessman. I sold my artistic soul to drive a BMW.
  • I pout. Not always. But it happens. The bottom lip even protrudes for 100% true pouting effect. This normally occurs when I'm denied sex, told I can't have another drink or have to see any movie directed by "the AntiChrist" : Jerry Bruckheimer.
  • I'm easily distracted. I'm a lot - A LOT - like my dog.........whoops - what was I saying I was just trying to figure out where I buried that last bone.
  • I roll my eyes. Secretly I must want to be a pouty, easily distracted, teenage girl - who swears, snores and leaves the lid up - and doesn't write or draw and shaves her -uh never mind.

Do you still love me ?