Wednesday, October 02, 2002

An Open Letter to Donald

Oh how I've sat by watching you traspe around town with the likes of him and him and yes him. I didn't bat an eyelash when I was dropped from the "DONALD LOVES ME MOST - I'M 4-EVER HIS INTERNET BITCH" side-bar, but when your letters, each smelling of your signature cologne: "Brut 44 and half" - those 10-205 page notes written in your favorite grape passion purple ink (that really smells like grape jam!), where you would dot every "i" with a heart - some filled in and some just outlined to keep it from getting monotonous - and draw sexual explicited pictures in the borders of the 10 things you would most like to do with me involving a DiGornio X-tra Cheese Pizza, an Ostrich Feather and a recent isssue of 'Simple Living' - when that stop Donald did my heart.

How I've spoken of heartache and pain on these pages - how I've wrung out my heart before the peering eyes of all of america - YES DONALD - "All of America" - my ratings make Anna Nicole Smith want to drink and do something horribly embarrassing to get viewers (...hold it - that is a bit redundant isn't it now)...but how much more can a boy take - how many more pretty faces will I be forced to color mustaches on - my computer screen is nearly black for Christ sake!

This - my darling - is my final plea...take me back - oh for the love that all that is good and Banana Republic - take me back.