A list (of sorts) of random thoughts on my weekend:

• Dinner with the "X" before I left was a disaster, ending in the much loved dramatic exit of the restaurant, looking - much as we were - like another gay couple having a tif.
  
• I rocked NO one's world in Los Angeles this weekend ('cept Drag Queens, that strange tweaker who LOVED all the scars on the back of my head - "Uh HI it's called being hit in the head with a baseball bat - glad it turns you on!", a "once sexy" leather couple who was - well - more 'leathered' than their leather and people who have been til this point my friends and now that I am single may be inclined to think differently of me *one of them is under consideration*) which embarrassingly I have allowed to cast a deep shadow over my self-esteem.
  
• Let's face it booze is fun (Appletini, BEER) , bars are fun (Abbey, Revolver) - but I really would have had a much better time rolling, bumping and dancing at the Mayan.
  
• A near head-on collision, which gave my best friend Patrick no choice but to ram straight into a parked car was NOT the way I wanted to start Pride in LA.
  
• There were some extraordinary men to look at at Pride, but NO ONE brought a smile to my face MORE than getting to see a fuckin adorable Jason...I also had the luck to meet hotties Bruce and the boyfriend(s) (though I admit I was a little buzzed and all the muscle daddies started to look alike)...where the hell were these guys when I was at Faultline Friday and Saturday night looking for tail. Jason was even kind enough to snap a couple pics so check out his site.
  
• My best friend, is my BEST friend, is my best FRIEND, is my BEST FRIEND.
  
• No sex, NONE, not a hummer, a grope, a rim, a pump, a slam - nothing...and all weekend all I could think about is how bad I want to "make-out" with someone, remember making out, I don't. When the clothes don't even come off and it's still hotter (almost) than most sex.
  
• I haven't seen my baby Chris in almost 2 weeks and I am having withdrawals.
  
• The "X" and I began "dog-custody" last week, alternating 1 week stints from Thursday to Thursday (I know, I KNOW, it sounds moronic - but it will be a very ugly fight to decide who gets full custody otherwise), I am sooooooo missing Baby and hearing rustling around at night. Silence sucks.
  
• The nightmares have begun - strange social scenarios played out in my head involving my Ex and acts of redemption - sleeping with friends to spite me, trying to harm my family, burning every love letter I wrote him, telling me he hates me - bad dreams that leave me waking in tears and feeling lost, sad and confused.
  
• I'm horny - not a little - A LOT, I sport wood watching college guys biking to school, I stare at men like a ravenous dog, I need to get it over with - I need a one night stand.
  
• Getting a bit more than a little stressed about the continous outflow of cash - 1 week countdown to my bonus - but rent and car payment to be paid before then - float little check FLOAT.
  
• I'm just rambling now , aren't I ?