et-i-quette\ 'e-ti-ket\ n. : the forms prescribed by custom or authority to be observed in social, official, or professional life. (synonyms: proprietary, decorum, decency, diginity

Perhaps it's how we are raised, or even more so, maybe it's who we "chose" to be in later life - but I find my move back to be an interesting lesson in etiquette and behavior.

Why do people who know me socially feel a need to comment on my move back to AZ with such clever statements as "Why would you do something so stupid?", why do people neglect to celebrate with my boyfriend and I the very significant and life changing decision to move in together (I deem it as extremely important and not an everyday occurence - I mean I would have gotten a friend in this situation a card to celebrate this big step in their life with the person they loved) and why do people strike a coorelation between "unemployed" and "free time". I feel busier than ever, try looking for a job in today's economy and see how much of your time it absorbs (add on to that packing up and moving 2,000 miles then moving in and there's no time left) - but I have had several people ask me - "Well what do you do all day??"

In light of this I am beginning the list of the follow prepared responses:

I sort through "your" garbage - and I am shocked.

Prepare for my walk-on role on "The Nanny" - what it's not on the air anymore - bastards ! That's why they haven't returned my calls.

Chase my tail in circles.

Watch porn, lot's of porn. heh-heh.

Masturbate - frequently. (often paired with the above response when the person responds - "no, really?"

Drink rubbing alcohol with my old gal-pal Kitty Dukakis - fill'er up sistah!

Contemplate my navel

I have rewritten "Little Women" to include more sex, drugs and references to shower-nozzle masturbation.

Watch "Where Are They Now" segments praying for more news on lovable TV star, Tina Yothers.

Play "Where's Chandra?"

Rewrite history - we now own Sweden lock, stock and barrell.