Monday, June 30, 2003

...with his grey-blue eyes framed by tears, HERO turned, trembling and looked at me and said the words:

I'm in love with you.

There. It's been done. No going back now.

It was late, there had been a lot drinking, pool party, birthday party, drinks with friends.

I would feel a sudden nervousness, a pang of anxiety when he would go off to the bathroom or when he was out of my sight. A sense of loss when his hand wasn't holding mine.

I had been getting cajoled by my friends all day long about his age, his sweetness. They all accepted him, adored him even. He could win anyone over with his slowed-down, casual, Midwestern drawl and unconcious, inquisitiveness.

I had spent the day protesting.

No it wasn't getting too serious, No we're not boyfriends we're just dating

But - my friends watched me like I was something behind glass and they were studying me as I said these things. I'm not a lier - they know that, just like they knew that maybe I wasn't even convincing myself.

So now at the end of the night - heading back to my place for sex and sleep, he began to cry and he said the words.

Funny - I don't even know if I said thanks.