I believe that if stranded on a desert island with John Madden that:

First - he would bore me to death with his never-had-but often thought about love affair with Joe Montana

Second - he would then proceed to tie my limbs together like his freakish Super Bowl Turkey, throw me on a fire and then devour me with 1 bite - 1 gulp - 1 burp

Third - he would then proceed to bore himself to death - but on his final death bed - confuse himself in near-death dementia with the fucked-up Super Bowl Turkey sitting on a bed of greens - and devour himself.

Yeah !!! Monday Night Football - DIE JOHN MADDEN.