Ok, good news - bad news. I finally added links bad in but down have time to tweak with the font size and picked them up from a really, REALLY old template. God knows how many of the links even work.

Oh and BTW - I meant to say an extremely sincere thank you to those adorable bloggers who never take you off their link-love-list, even when your admittedly dreadful about consistently writing. It's like the old adage about leaving a candle burning, it makes you feel cared for. And YES, I'm a dork - I need to add LINKS back on to my page and the favor will be returned.

I'm hungover and bored.

Just not in the mood to work today. The office is empty and I find myself ignoring the dosseir (sp?) I need to put together for the lawsuit, accounts receivable reporting I need to update to finish my Q1 reporting for the CPA, death threats I need to make to people who owe my company way too much money and an IN basket that would strike fear in the hearts of many a paper-weight.

...and I'm fucking horny.

I need sex. Good, dirty, sweaty, cum in my face sex.

I've been seeing someone for 3 months now, but it's all but over. And there hasn't been any sex there for weeks. Once I stop feeling for someone - I stop. All gone, gone fishing, void/do not redeposit, return to sender. We haven't spoken in three days so the only thing left is to say the words. He's a great guy, but aimless. 26 and just going nowhere. I've always been so driven - so agressive about finding success in whatever I do - that I'm just dumbfounded when I meet bright, attractive guys who seem to care only about the next bump and where the after-hours party is at.

I need more, much more. I want to be challenged, intellectually stimulated - I want to be excited when I hear him talk about his accomplishments, I want to share in his hopes, I want to want to tear his clothes off everytime I see him - instead I'm paying his cell phone bill because he hasn't paid it two months - but still always manages to have coke on him.

I think the whole thing has me in a rut. That sense of disappointment in the bigger picture when something I try fails. It's been a long 2 and 1/2 years since Lucky and I split up and 1 and 1/2 since Hero's suicide. I've tried to date twice now, same results - it's great, fantastic even for the first month or so, by the second month I'm having buyers remorse and by the third I'm chewing my arm off to get away. But in my heart I know I want someone in my life - just not sure how to get there.

Things seem very helter-skelter of late. My best friend V. is coming intown this week for a funeral. One of those random connections - not her, but the poor guy who passed away, that bring your frineds back even though it's starting to hit 100 degrees here.

The first few weeks when the heat comes on in Arizona makes everyone excessively cranky - I would probably compare it to the mind set they spoke of in my 1 year-hiatis in Milwaukee - S.A.D. (Seasonal Attitude Depression). Kinda that - oh shit-I live in fucking AZ and the temperature is gonna be 100 and over for the next 6 months - oh what ever happened to march and tooling around town with the top down.

Spoke to Big H. tonite and agreed to go on some gay caribbean cruise next January to celebrate his big 4-0. It'll be something to look forward to and plenty of time to lose a couple of pounds.

Not sure what became of my Saturday post - but oh such is life on the blogspot.