inspired by mobile homes, country music and a taste for the deep-fried, I bring you last nights
WHITE TRASH DINNER MENU
2 bags of Totino's Pizza Rolls
1 bag of Mozzarella Sticks
1 box of 1 million Deep-Fried Ravioli (I exaggerated, maybe it was less than a box)
1 bottle of Moet & Chandon White Star
and some salad (there had to be something natural to tease the digestive tract with)

Lucky and I bought, baked, ate then stared with complete revulsion at this unbelievable cuisine, though tempted to wear Daisy Dukes to dinner I resisted. Then we settled in for David Lynch's "Mulholland Drive" in "kitty-vision" (which I swear actually made more sense from a plot standpoint this time though I still see three-to-four different themes criss-crossing the picture).

...and I must ask, am I the only guy alive who wishes he could tivo every episode of "Mystery Science Theater 2000" ??? (and I don't even have Tivo).

oh John
I haven't slept with any of the same people (YET), I was just illustrating the point that if we all wrote down every name of every person we knew in every state, we would have ended up having
slept with,
fought with,
broken up with,
fallen in love with,
had a good time with,
gone to school with,
danced at a party with,
..... I know your all getting the point....
at least one of them.

It's that whole Six Degrees of Seperation thing (but tighter - though doesn't Stockard Channing rock to some sort of infinite power)....and NO for the love of GOD - let's not have a meme about posting the names of every person we know in every state, etc. - we'll play this game hypothetically.

On a more (or less) interesting note, besides just charming the pants off of me during our email dialogue of the other day Mr. Brown and I came up with an interesting idea for a competitor to the secondary love of my life's "Swishy" and Max's well received "Burn, Baby, Burn" CD deal.

Ready:

Oh, come on nowwwwwwww....you know your so curious! We create lists of bloggers who will send each other their new or used boxers/briefs/banana hammocks/jocks/panties/etc, all for the perverse amusement and pleasure of another blogger.... BJ - I know you'll be down with this idea.

What, huh ???
How can you SAY that, this idea is ahead of it TIME, Brilliant I say - BRILLIANT!!!!!
Your just being judgemental and cruel - TERRIBLY CRUEL!
What????
Oh yeah well I guess the dirty underwear part IS kinda sick - that was Johns doing .

Have a great weekend!

A One Act Play by HCL:

(The Scene): A innocent looking coffee-house close to the college campus, young, attractive bohemians milling about, laughing, debating and enjoying the warm, spring night.

(The Time): The not so distant past (last night in fact)

(The Characters):

Teel : Seemingly new to the ways of the world, but suspiciously satisfied with the taste of ANYTHING deep-fried in a vat of oil.

Encorswish - Somehow sweet and jaded, kind but cruel, alluring but disturbing all at the same time, he fixes his steely eyes upon you in a gaze that says "I have lint in my belly-button", seducatively he draws on his cigarette and huffs "I DONT NEED no stinkin man!"

HCL - The Dawg, dangerous and horny, sniffing legs and butts...his whimper a casual impulse, his bite - more often more than he can chew.

(The Music): Circa 1978 ' blaring "Deep Throat" (Bum-ding-a-Ching-CHING)

(Action!)

encorswish: "Dude, (smoke, draw, puff)...uh why are you sniffing my ass?"

teel: "Hey Chris - this, is uh, making me a little nervous - do you think he can put his pants back on ?"

hcl: "Ruff-Ruff!"

teel "Chris he's humping my leg - for the LOVE OF GOD make HIM SToooooooooooop!"

encorswish: (Now reclining nude - think "Bodecelli") "Better you than me kid"

hcl: (slurping noises too disgusting to imagine)

teel: "Ple-ase- Chris d-ont let meeee go this waaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy......."
(An errie silence envelops the stage)

encorswish: "well another one bites the dust"

hcl: (smiling, deliriously happy) "I love Rim-O-Rama night at the coffeehouse"


(Curtain Falls)

Hey boys had a really fun time bullshitting with ya last night - thanks for the rim job.

(EDITORS NOTE: No bloggers were harmed in the production of this National Public Radio special event, we now return you to "Talk of the Tongue" with Diane Reems)

Things I could talk about (sung to the strains of Ms. Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart” – uh, not really, but I mean if you really want to and can figure out how – well, hey, go for it ….damn - your good.) :

• What a fantastic time we had with our absolutely adorable and appreciative houseguests from San Diego over Pride weekend.
  
• The unbelievable heat (high 90’s) this weekend which made our absolutely adorable houseguests a bit queasy (Ok – one threw up) and a little cranky at moments.
  
• A wonderful Pride breakfast where I wowed everyone with the best Bloody Mary’s on this earth (I stir them with something special), then many beers at Pride Fest, then back to house to swim – drink more beer, eat pizza, then Mr. Presta’s AMAZING - fermented for 12 hours - Sangria in the pool with an unsuspecting straight couple and 10 fags, more bloody mary’s, sangria, beer, naps, then dinner at My Florist, lots of wine, a little fight with the boyfriend (white liquor makes us both feisty and irish), the Amsterdam for Martini’s, Mandarin and Tonics and Rasberry Ale, then Warren Gluck (at the space formerly known as Crowbar – now DWNTWN) and more beer, a lot of chance meetings from my dating/hook-up past and then two really, really abnormally large horsepills disguised as X (or was it the other way around)....
  
• Naseau, not a little, A LOT, an unbelievable nerve-racking amount of naseau that started around 4am on Saturday and lasted all day on Sunday forcing me to no-show Roland Belmares Tea Dance put on by Ms. Noah Williams and Friends. Sorry - buddy.
  
• Laying in the fetal position thinking “WOW – X-Files really sucks ass now” and wondering how to raise my head to eat a Zesta saltine, while my loving boyfriend made me soup and pet my head.
  
• Our adorable dog BABY who wowed everyone with what a sweet, well-behaved lover she was…I searched all guest bags on the way out to make sure she hadn’t been confiscated.
  
• A nightmarish time working through 1099R's and other forms - using shitty HR Block online which subsequently screwed up and sent my taxes on the 16th - uh, anyone know anything about tax penalties for filing late ?? (Amount the IRS buttfucked me for - without a gentlemens reach-around - $1200)
  
• Needing a rest from it all for awhile – butching it up this weekend and taking my boy, my dad and my dads best friend to see the Diamondbacks play this Sunday (seats – Black-Tie, behind home plate : My DAD is gonna shit)
  
• Having coffee and a rim job (don't pretend that's not what your after) with arizona's most alluring blogger and some MYSTERY blogger tonight - do I smell hot 3 way (Rim Jobs for EVERYONE - Horray!!!!) ???