No one quite does "woeful" like my puppy-dog "Baby", if you don't believe me please refer to 'Exhibit A' ...

Every morning without fail the second I climb into the shower she commences with the sighing and languishing arround. Her body language cries out:

"Bastard - your leaving me again"
"What about play time - what about MY doggie needs??"
"Whose gonna throw the ball, uh ? Did ya think about that Mr. BIGSHOT???"

Now I know it''s possible that these just may be the voices in my head - but ohhhhhh you know she's thinking some killer thoughts, and look at those eyes, the toy gingerly held between her front paws - dammit you beautiful angel - how you torture your daddy so.....

Well technically 368 days ago and close to 25,000 visitors later, this strange lil offshoot of my cerebreal spew came forth. Originally this site was meant to take my mind off of the acute loneliness I felt being 2000 miles from my boyfriend (at that point a relationship with a questionable destiny). I had made many amazing friends in Milwaukee and Chicago and in some ways I was pretending to have the time of my life - but I never felt more alone.
Coming home to my empty apartment, inhaling every drug I could - once with very close to lethal consequences, and mostly just putting on a shiny, happy exterior to co-workers and friends to hide how empty the contents were behind the shell. There were some moments - at night - sitting in the dark before the glow of my laptop - writing and rewriting an entry, exposing myself, my thoughts, my life...that I felt more alive then I had at any other moment. Despair and isolation would ebb away as I would read other bloggers (friends) and exchange email and IM's with them about some of the most personal moments in our lives.

My blog isn't genius, it rarely provides pearls of wisdom and I don't often challenge, or debate the greater issues - but all-in-all it's a pretty honest reflection of me.
If I've made you chuckle, made you smile, made you think (hell even given you a chubby)...that's nice to know.

Anyway Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me...lil HCL is getting older, wiser, happier...happy birth-day to meeeeeeeee.

Whew....the stress level in this office today makes a NASA launch seem as simple as undoing my trousers to launch my own rocket and think of Shwish

Crap - felling like i'm getting smacked by a thousand red, rubber dodge balls at once...trying hard to stand my ground. I hate when office "situations" occur and then everyone has to run their background checks to figure who fucked up...tiring to say the least.

On other plains I think I may have some sort of nostalgia disorder...I'm currently in heavy rotation of the best of albums of Saint Etienne, Prefab Sprout and The Beautiful South , I mean I know the kids are still making new music out there so is there soemthing wrong with me for not listening to it ??

My head hurts....