wow - BLURRRRRRRRRRR - where the heck did the rest of the week go. Lord knows my ass never saw the gym. I worked my butt of this week, and let me tell you - when my boss handed me that bonus check yesterday I went and sat in my car (my piece of shit Toyota which is sooooooooooo on it's way out the door after seeing THAT bonus check - BMW baby!) , I called my Mom and told her I had gotten it and I just started sobbing...I was so embarrassed I had to get off the phone and fast. I felt like the whole shitty year was whacking me in the back of the head. All the rejections, all the false leads, all the god-damn cover letters and resumes, giving up my adorable lake-side apartment, giving up my SUV, giving up all the friends I had to work so hard to make and were so easy to maintain, coming back to Arizona like a wounded dog with his tail between his legs, the thousand questions: "Found a job yet??", "Are you looking EVERYWHERE?", "Are you sure your not being to picky?", the fake-sympathy-smiles from my bosses as I was escorted out of the agency the day I was laid-off, all the doubters among me wondering (was it maybe somehow my fault I had been laid off??), the months of scraping by, the self-doubt, the self-loathing, the embarrassment, the humility, canceling parties, avoiding calls, laying low and now finally THIS.

FUCK THE MOTHER FUCKING CORPORATE SACK OF SHITS WHO THOUGHT THEY BROKE MY SPIRIT, FUCK THEIR BULLSHIT PRAISE AND SMALL MINDS!!!!!I

I took a risk, I choose the path not ventured (at least for me) and I'm loving it, I'm free and I'm gonna make more money then I have ever, ever made in my life.

Damn - if I could even explain how good this feels. *grins*

ok - yeah, I'm back - what a roller-coaster ride...so, so much fun, but admittedly by the end I was sick of dancing, sick of not sleeping, sick of people groping, bumping, knocking into me, asking for a bump, asking for a drink, asking for a hit, but never returning the favor...sick of having tons of people streaming in and out of the hotel room like it was a dorm, finding strangers (COMPLETE - How the fuck did YOU get in here - STRANGERS) crashed on our floor, and well, so many stories - some completely outlandish criticisms on the human condition and how some people weren't raised in a barn - but a Crack House.

But Lucky and I always come back more together, more a cohesive unit, more in love and more sure that we are lucky to be a couple and not relishing the wildness (well we were pretty wild ourselves) of our single friends. Lots of private jokes and private memories, and this year one other thing - something special, a first - that brought us even closer together than I ever thought we good be.

And there are pictures and they will be aired like dirty, dirty laundry - but for now it's the end of the quarter - I want a BIG BIG bonus, so much to do, much to do.