A StarFucks Epiphany

Me (devoid of my morning cup O�Joe) : mumbles incomprehensibly �Moooooooorning�

StarFucks Clerk: perky as all shit (what do they mainline this shit?): �Good Morning to YOU!�

Me: �Yeah can I get an enormous cup of classic irony with steaming hot neurosis and a splash of unresolved guilt?�

SFC: �Ok a Venti Slap of Reality with low-fat humiliation and a splash of deep ceded shame!�

Me: �NOOOO�. I asked for an enormous cup of classic irony with steaming hot neurosis and a splash of unresolved guilt.�

SFC: �OK then�..a Grande sense of no direction, half self-doubt, half poor self esteem!�

Me: �UH�.can I just have a cup of black coffee�

SFC: �Sure � your soul please�

Me: "Can you make change ?"

....this sucks. 8pm still at work. Buried, buried, buried.

Miles to go before I blog,
Miles to go before I sleep.

Oh ALB....pretending I asked you those questions - really now. When will this mad crush end ?? Next you'll surface with mocked up love notes from me, a copy of a restraining order, a rabbit in a crock pot...

What is the method to your madness ?

E..verything
I...ssssssssssssssssssssss
S...ooooooo
H...ectic, lately.

I'm going pretty crazy - considering moving to at least a 6 day work week for the next couple of months...boss is leaving for Europe for 3 weeks on the 20th and after just coming off our highest revenue generating month in 13 months (90% increase in revenue and 109% increase in GP over one year ago) things are a blur. I'm feeling exhausted 90% of the time...contract negotiations, losing clients, lawsuits, behind on quarterly tax preperations - always something to keep you harried. Somehow still managing to squeak out a love life and the gym 5 days a week - but feeling frazzled. Voted..hope you did to! Can't believe I actually was cold enough to wear a sweater tonight - maybe fall has come to AZ.

The Big Three Year anniversary with Lucky went well. Very simple - though of course my heart was racing as tried to make the letter a masterpiece - and loving. I entitled my letter "My Promise to You" and blah, blah, blah (I'm not going in to the details) and wrote some really sweet shit about us then and now and for the future. I "photoshop-ed" it and added pictures of us and made it all frame worthy...he was very taken a back and very genuinely moved by the words and *glowing* told me it was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever given him.

So I guess maybe I'm "a keeper" after all.

...finally heaven....beautiful, beautiful, beautiful...

Boyfriends turn to pick the movie last night - he picked "Ghost Ship"....I have completely rethought our relationship.

Actually... I have tappered off on my rushing into a proposal - I'm a dork - maybe as gay men we take the concept to litely. We are discussing rings - something that would give some public semblance that we are "together". He feels economically uncomfortable with the purchase of expensive "promise" rings right now and even more uncomfortable with me forking out the cash for both. This whole process must seem simpler in hetero relationships where the norms of society dictate the man handle the proposal process. We agree we would like to have a commitment ceremony "sometime" next year - just no exact dates.

So in lieu of all that I'm planning to go the other direction and concentrate on my feelings and how to share them - I know this is sounding sappy - but gimme a break it's not the first time my site has taken a turn down that road. I think people would be surprised at my demeanor in the real world and how hard I find it to share my thoughts and feelings. I've written him a letter - explaining all he's been to me in the last three years - all I want to be for him in the coming 70 years and that after 3 years - all flirtations aside - he is the only man I want to wake up to and good to bed with everyday.

No expensive gifts or lavish dinners - just me standing there in front of him laying it on the line.