...it's never short of um - well something - here these days.

• The funeral was amazing - AMAZING - I only teared up towards the end - but my lovely girls flanking my sides cried all the way thru. Literally the church was full to the hilt of amazing people. 200 - maybe 250. This guy was so loved. M.'s eulogy was the most amazingly human thing I have heard spoken in a long time. Can a person get "funeral envy"?
  
• The house guest and I have been having the craziest fun - how have I managed to dress my self each day when I could have a girl to discuss each selection with me and insist on viewing 20 to 100 choices.
  
• BN1 seems to have found out about BN3. Not sure whats up with the mojo - but last night at Amsterdams - a BN4 and BN5 contestant reered their beautiful heads and seriously, drop-dead sexy bodies. One given a kiss. One given a number.
  
• Looking forward to a little down time after this weekend, but considering I'm in Palm Springs from Friday to Monday - not sure I'll be getting that.

AGENDA:

• Pick up the "El Train" at the airport.
  
• Lunch with the "ladies that lunch" at Arcadia Farms
  
• Maragarita's at Dos Gringos
  
• Boyz at BS
  
• Day-o-Shopping - Kierland, Fashion Square, Biltmore (mental note: MUST buy a frigging bathing suit)
  
• Dinner at AZ88, drinks at Merc - meet up with BN1
  
• Funeral - is my suit clean, what tie?
  
• Memorial Service
  
• Wine at Il Postino
  
• Dinner at Elements at the Sanctuary
  
• Breakfast at Orange Market Grocery
  
• Day-o-Beauty - Spa Day at Phoenician
  
• Dinner at Bar Mouche - meet up with BN2
  
• Sunday (all day) Sedona - rich hippies and soul stuff.
  
• Monday AM (friggin early) - the El Train departs.

...went out with BN3 last night. I gotta admit my heart was racing the entire time, and when he kissed me - in my car - after a very flirtatious and enjoyable dinner - my heart stopped. I'm not saying anything - but I'm saying - I hadn't felt a surge of energy like that since my first kiss with Lucky. I'm feeling lust - bad. I'm not looking to be boyfriends with anyone - put if I'm gonna finally put out - this is where I want to start.

I put the ball in his court - "Ask me out if you'd like to see me again?" - his response:

"May I ask you right now?"

I'm having dinner with him tonight.

maybe I can find time to let go of some of this
...so it is
maybe I can see a way to have more love for myself
...so it is
maybe I can leave this hate behind that's seeping down in to my soul
...so it is
maybe I can love myself alone, more then I could ever need another to do it for me
...so it is
maybe my tomorrows are more beautiful than my yesterdays
...so it is
I just have to agree to let go - breathe - let go - breathe - let go
...so it is

(random thoughts from my raki massage yesterday)